by

Abby Zimet, staff writer

With our political landscape in corrupt and deranged tatters, the air waves full of bile from the dreaded Orange One, and him heading today to our own sweet little town, we're feeling kind of overwhelmed. A quick run-down on why: Donald's terrifying cluelessness on nukes- wherein he actually said out loud the words, "If we have 'em, why can't we use 'em?" - along with unending lies, life-long fraud, buyers' remorse from those who bought it,appalled disavowals by those who know better, increasingly surreal flameouts, "ideas" on Crimea, newly recorded vicious crowds and, in the gotta-laugh-or-cry department, what the rest of the world thinks of him, from profane street art to the French wanting to retch to Irish, German and Australian parodies to the glorious insults of Scotland. Samples: Leather-faced shit-tobogganist, incompressible zizztrumpet, tiny-fingered Cheeto-faced ferret-wearing shitgibbon. We dunno. Feel any better?