Jesus wasn't a big fan of consumerism but we spend up large for his birthday

                                          WHITE MISCHIEF .  Kathmandu 2012

Sam de Brito

There's a lot to love about the historical Jesus. Bloke liked to throw a line in the water, didn't mind fast women and he could put on a spread for thousands at the drop of a hat. The "divine" Jesus, however, has more in common with a Marvel Comics character than he does with most Christians, Jews or carpenters.

What's impressive about the ne'er-do-well from Nazareth is he was a revolutionary when subversion of any kind could get you burned, mutilated and, as he so famously discovered, nailed to a cross. Despite the stakes, so to speak, Jesus never lost his cool. He was Gandhi, the Fonz, Yoda and Jules Winfield in one body. Nothing riled the guy, which it's worth reminding "Christians" of when they froth with fury over the lifestyle choices of others.

I can remember only one time when Jesus lost his lollies, and that was when he cleansed Herod's Temple and "drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the tables of the money changers and the benches of those selling doves." Then he screamed – and you know because versions of the bible capitalise this: "IT IS WRITTEN, 'MY HOUSE WILL BE CALLED A HOUSE OF PRAYER'. BUT YOU ARE MAKING IT A DEN OF THIEVES!" 

It's safe to say Jesus wasn't a massive fan of consumerism (or bankers).

Chris Rock said on Saturday Night Live recently: "Look what we did to Christmas. Christmas is Jesus's birthday! Now, I don't know Jesus but, from what I read, Jesus is the least materialistic person to ever roam the earth. No bling on Jesus. Jesus kept a pretty low profile and we turned his birthday into the most materialistic day of them all".

"We even have the Jesus birthday season. It's a whole season of materialism. Then at the end of the Jesus birthday season, we have the nerve to have an economist come on TV and tell you how horrible the Jesus birthday season was: 'Oh, we had a horrible Jesus's birthday this year, hopefully business will pick up by his crucifixion'," Rock says.

During last week's Martin Place siege, the Australian Retailers Association chief executive Russell Zimmerman even said: "I don't want to be prophet of doom and gloom but you do worry about how this could affect spending."

Jesus wept.

A lot of the things people like to tell us is the "word of God", Jesus also didn't mention. Not a peep about homosexuals or abortion or saying prayers in school. Not a word about stem cell research or condoms or celibacy but, he did rather pointedly declare "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God".

That's rather unequivocal and suggests, if Jesus were alive today, he wouldn't be starring in ads for Harvey Norman's Christmas sale or handing out iTunes gift cards on the 25th. I reckon he might take the time to feed the poor, visit a hospital or nursing home, perhaps build an access ramp for a disabled person.

Maybe he'd slip in a beer in between stops.

A contemporary of Jesus, the Roman philosopher Seneca, used to say if you want to enrich someone, don't multiply their belongings, subtract from their desires.

I'm pretty sure Christ would've agreed.

Twitter: @Samdebrito

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